HOLLIS – A colossal wave of farting shook Southern Maine late Wednesday, coinciding with an earthquake registering 4.0 on the Richter Scale that was felt as far away as Boston.
“Mainers logging onto Facebook in the past 24 hours have been subjected to dozens of their ‘friends’ taking the blame for the seismic tremors, which were supposedly the result of an unprecedented number of simultaneous and severe farts,” explains Dora Hernandez, professor of Geology at the University of Southern Maine.
However, Hernandez says she remains skeptical.
“if you believe Facebook, every man, woman, and child from Kittery to Augusta cut the cheese all at once,” she says. “If that really happened, we would have seen something much larger than 4.0.”
The earthquake also caused severe flooding of people’s Facebook feeds with pictures of tipped-over plastic furniture. A team from the Federal Emergency Management Agency is due in town later today to assess how many people were “unfriended” as a result.