No Longer “Without Vaseline”

DEMOCRATS AGREE TO PERSONAL LUBRICANT FUND

AUGUSTA – Desperate to secure the necessary 2/3 majority to override Gov. Paul LePage’s budget veto, Democratic leaders in the legislature have made a major concession to Tea Party Republicans, agreeing to implement a controversial $3.8 million Personal Lubricant Fund.

Some of us need more than others.

LePage complained to the press last week about the Appropriations Committee’s compromise budget because this initiative had been cut as a cost-saving measure.  “[The Democrats] are giving [anal penetration] to the people of Maine – without Vaseline,” he said.

The Personal Lubricant Fund, or PLF, as it is known around the capitol, would provide a year’s supply of the multipurpose oily goo to every household in the state that completes a 14-page application form and waits 6-8 weeks for processing and delivery.

“It is essential that Mainers have access to lubricant for when their state senators and representatives come around to butt-rape them,” said Rep. Melvin Lewendyke (R-Litchfield). “I refuse to support any budget that does not include this crucial measure.”

Democrats had been reluctant to support the PLF, arguing that even if what goes on in the privacy of people’s bedrooms were the government’s business, petroleum-based lubricants erode the structural integrity of most condoms.

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