People Who Never Lose Their Tempers Again Calmly Outraged
AUGUSTA – And he had been making such good progress, too.
In what others in the room saw as an unfortunate relapse, Gov. Paul LePage swore and stormed out of his weekly Swearers and Stormers Anonymous meeting Tuesday morning.
“Paul had truly come to embrace the fact that that he had no control over his problem and that God could save him,” said LePage’s SSA sponsor, who asked to remain anonymous for some reason. “Finding the strength to admit those things helped him make tremendous strides. He went a whole 14 hours without swearing or storming at all.”
According to multiple sources present at the meeting, LePage sat through the first 20 minutes of a meeting with a tense expression on his face while others in the group tearfully recounted their struggles — ruined careers, lost relationships, bills that didn’t make it out of committee — all as a result of an uncontrollable impulse to swear and storm.
When LePage’s turn came, he paused for a moment, and then said, “this is fucking bullshit,” and then waddled briskly from the room, slamming the door behind him.
A spokeshuman for the governor did not respond to The Sardine Report’s request for comment.
Democrats chastised the governor, issuing a press release saying they “remain disappointed in his behavior.” Party leaders decried LePage’s “outrageous” that he refuses to meet with them under any circumstances, but held back from using any exclamation points.
Meanwhile, journalists across the state gleefully capitalized on the spectacle by writing various editorials and opinion columns detailing, in mature, measured tones, how repugnant it is.