Your Certified Accupants® Forecast

By Sardine Report meteorologist Trevor Noyes  

Tonight:  Dashing through the snow, in a one-horse open sleigh, o’er the fields we go, laughing at the idea of there being enough snow to sled on in December.  Lows in the 40s.

Tomorrow:  Vera moves out from behind her protective wall and shares with Ted the depth of her loneliness, grief, and despair.  She tells him, “The day after I was diagnosed, I decided this was all too hard for you.  I wasn’t sure if you really cared, and so I started to feel like my battle against cancer was suddenly pointless.  I thought about giving up.”  Ted looks into his wife’s eyes, eager to comfort and reassure her, but he has no idea what she just said because he was thinking how the warm weather was going to make it easier to track deer this weekend.  Highs in the 50’s.

Rest of the Week:  Brief periods of sunshine will be rhythmically interrupted by longer periods of darkness.  In other words, it will be like all three of my marriages.  Highs in the 30’s.


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The Sardine Report is 98% fact free, with no trans facts and no cholesterol. We got lots of mercury, though. Hope you like it.
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