EVERYWHERE IN MAINE – An undercover investigation by The Sardine Report has revealed that literally tens of thousands of white people registered to vote on the Election Day, despite the fact that local officials could not remember meeting them before.
It would appear that Republican operatives tried to bus in enough pasty, illegitimate voters to swing election results toward the G.O.P. in the largest example of election fraud in state history.
“It was an ingenious plan, really,” commented Maine Democratic Party Chair Ben Grant. ” We were only able to get a few hundred black people up from Massachusetts, and we had them voting in places like West Norridgewock, where they kind of stuck out. In retrospect, it wasn’t the smartest way to undermine the electoral process.”
But illegal Caucasian voters were able to blend in, casting ballots without raising any eyebrows at all.
Rumford town clerk Corinne McLaughlin said they were definitely some shady European-looking types registering on election day in her town. “I make a point of noticing and remembering all the white people in town, and there were definitely a few that I had not seen before,” she said.
When asked if he planned to send mail to these suspicious new voters, Grant pointed out that even if their votes were removed, election results would remain the same. “I don’t know who would be stupid enough to waste party resources just to prove a point,” he said.