DOT: Maine Farmers Have Shitty Posture

CANAAN – Despite serious efforts to correct their posture, Maine’s farmers remain hunch-backed and creepy-looking, according to the Maine Department of Transportation.

Maine’s farmers also typically wear sombreros and lost their legs in a freak combine accident, DOT officials said.

The DOT released its findings in the form of a series of disquieting yellow signs placed along Maine’s rural roadways, particularly in Aroostook, Somerset, and Washington counties.

“We are not picking on farmers,” insisted DOT spokeshuman Scott Veilleux.  “Taxpaying motorists expect us to provide ample warning of potential hazards in the roadway, which may include slack-jawed, nose-picking Quasimodo rednecks on tractors.”

Phone calls to the Maine Department of Agriculture were not returned to The Sardine Report.  Various farmers contacted also declined to comment, saying they were too busy growing food for everybody 15 hours a day for almost zero appreciation or profit.

Census Bureau statistics indicate that the average Maine farmer is 94 years old.  This may contribute to the posture issues, says Dr. George Wu, orthopedic surgeon at Central Maine Medical Center and medical consultant to the DOT.

“If I were a farmer I’d probably have shitty posture, too,” said Wu. “It’s not like tractors are designed with ergonomics in mind.”

 

-30-

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Nutrition Information

The Sardine Report is 98% fact free, with no trans facts and no cholesterol. We got lots of mercury, though. Hope you like it.
Copyright 2012 The Sardine Report and Marsh Island Syndicate. All Rights Reserved.
%d bloggers like this: