Who Needs College? Not the Guv-nah!

By Gus Bouchard

Poor old Paul LePage.

He may have his flaws, but the media really love to pick him apart.

They really have it in for this guy. Why? What did he ever do to them?

I mean, every time he tells even the tiniest, slightest little bold-faced lie, they are all over him. The man can’t even utter an offhand proclamation that would lead any reasonable person to think his policies are based on myth and hearsay without a flock of reporters howling at him like a pack of self-righteous wolves.

Come on. Like they’ve never stretched the truth beyond the power of the mind’s capacity to comprehend the sheer brassiness of it.

Last week the Bangor Deadly Snooze alerted its reader that LePage had sent a cartoon to school principals across the state. The cartoon depicted two students, one on his way to trade school to become a welder, and the other on his way to a “pricey Liberal Arts college” for God-knows-what reason.

The student going to the Liberal Arts college is depicted in the cartoon calling the aspiring welder a “loser,” despite the fact that the welder can expect to make twice as much money upon graduation.

Well, didn’t the BDN get it’s shorts in a twist over LePage’s endorsement of that cartoon.

The paper was quick to point out that “facts” and “statistics” from numerous “studies” show that, in general, people with a four-year degree will make way more “money” than those who go to trade-school.

Picky, picky, picky.

Yes, that may be true for people who major in accounting, pre-law, or football. But the cartoonist and the governor were clearly lampooning art majors, history majors, sustainable agriculture majors, or English majors like myself, all of whom are relegated to being part of Mitt Romney’s feeloading 47% despite spending thousands of dollars on a college education.

As LePage pointed out in his note to principals, “we can do better.”

I agree. In fact, we should immediately abolish all of those useless, time-wasting majors. Take Sociology, for example. Who needs it? Society has no use for people who know a lot about society.

Same goes for history, literature, art, and so forth. Not only should we abolish those majors, but we should get rid of all courses in those subjects. What good are they?

After all, education is not about becoming a well-rounded citizen, capable of thinking in diverse ways, adapting to new situations, and understanding a variety of perspectives.

And it’s certainly not about exposing one’s self to new and complex experiences that foster personal insights that lead to a happier, more satisfying life.

No, you can’t measure any of that stuff. That’s why it’s irrelevant. We should stick to what we can measure: piles of cash.

That’s why, in reality, education must exist strictly for one purpose: training future employees to make large sums of money.

Incidentally, Paul LePage went to Husson College, back when it was still a “college” and only offered courses in accounting, business administration, and finding tax loopholes. I haven’t seen his transcript, but I’ll wager he did not take any courses in history or sociology while earning his B.S.

Call it a hunch.

So, you see, if a man can get training as a business leader and rise to the most powerful job in his home state without taking any of those sissy Liberal Arts courses, why would we want our sons or daughters to do anything else?

Don’t you want them to turn out just like Paul LePage?

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