TAMPA, FL – After making this big show of protest by walking out of the Republican National Convention Tuesday, Maine’s G.O.P. delegates sheepishly returned through a back door Wednesday morning after realizing they were stuck in Tampa with nothing to do.
“We kind of thought there would be casinos and stuff around here,” admitted delegate Pete Harring of Auburn. “But once we got outside we couldn’t find any. Then we couldn’t agree on what else to do.”
Delegates reportedly debated going to the beach or lounging at the hotel swimming pool, but too many of them failed to bring sunscreen or beach toys.
After about 20 minutes of rehashing the same ideas and getting nowhere, they realized they were having the same experience as those still in the convention. “We figured we might as well go back inside where it’s air conditioned and we can eat,” said Bangor’s Brian Daugherty. “We really didn’t want to be hanging around all those Sierra Club and Westboro Church protesters anymore.”
The only trick was not being noticed, “but we managed to sneak through because most of the national media don’t give a shit who we are or what we’re doing,” Harring said.
Later informed that there actually are casinos and places to buy sunscreen in Tampa, the delegation released a statement saying it was “just as well” that they didn’t try to go anywhere else, since they’d “likely get lost trying to negotiate the city traffic.”