Daring Escape from Lewiston Attempted

Is the name “Great Falls Balloon Festival” the smartest choice for an event that lifts people hundreds of feet off the ground?

LEWISTON – People trapped in this dystopian war zone attempted to flee by hot air balloon today, but quickly found themselves once again contained within city limits.

The latest in a series of heart-rending escape efforts drew rescue and humanitarian aid personnel from all over the region.  Approximately 35 individuals traveled several miles along air currents before safely touching down in a field in Greene, where local authorities apprehended them, confiscated their aircraft, and drove them tragically back to Lewiston.

“I’ve been trying to get me and my kids out of this hellhole for 15 years now,” said 44-year-old Brent Peebles, a vending machine service technician who is upside down in his two-bedroom ranch on Charles St. “But the surrounding communities are not taking refugees.”

Officials in Lewiston, ever-mindful of the city’s image, refused to acknowledge the escape effort, instead calling it a “hot air balloon festival” that “attracts thousands of visitors from around the world to our great city every year.”

But workers on the ground saw things differently.

“To be magically lifted over the bounds of this blighted, strife-ridden cesspool of agony, and to soar magestically toward a grand horizon of new opportunity, is the dream of every man, woman, and child in Lewiston,” said one police officer who asked not to be identified. “To describe this event as anything other than a vain attempt to realize that dream would be farcical.”




  1. up hear in pissonthis county we is gonna drive out on that ther e/w rud…sooon as they buld it…goddamah!

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