LePage, Bowen Introduce “Nothing Is Your Fault If You’re Under 18” Policy

AUGUSTA – Unveiling their new “ABC’s” education policy Wednesday, Gov. Paul LePage and education commissioner Stephen Bowen declared that it would seek a series of new school reforms based on the premise that nothing can possibly be your fault, or your parents’ fault, if you are under the age of 18.

“Oh Lawd, give me the courage to show everyone that government is not the solution to our problems, while I simultaneously blame teachers for not solving everyone’s problems, amen.”

The ABC Plan, which stands for Avoidance of Blame on Children, includes proposed legislation that would require high schools to pay for any remedial college courses their graduates take.

“The parents of this state pay taxes for public education, then they have to pay a second time when their kids enter college,” LePage said. “That’s inappropriate.”

That’s not the only way in which teens and their parents are getting the shaft, the governor explained.  For example, under current law, if an 18-year-old totals his car after falling asleep at the wheel on the way home from a party at 1:30 the morning, the dealership where he bought the car is, unbelievably, not required to give him a new one.

“We have to hold these dealerships’ feet to the fire if we expect these kids not to smash up their cars,” LePage said.

Bowen echoed the governor’s logic.  “Basically, any time a legal minor buys something, or her parents buy something for her, they should be allowed to ruin it or piss it away and get bailed out later,” he argued.  “Meanwhile, those who work hard and succeed will still have to pay for all their own college classes.

“That’s how we’ll teach kids the ethic of personal responsibility that’s necessary to keep them off welfare,” he said.

LePage acknowledged that his reform ideas may be controversial, but insisted that drastic measures will be necessary to correct the catastrophic state of public education in Maine.

“I don’t care where you go in this country — if you come from Maine, you’re looked down upon now,” LePage said.  “I know this because wherever I go in this country, I’m looked down upon.”




  1. I’m from Maine and I’m not looked down on but I understand his point about the school

  2. Jessica says:

    I think he’s an asshole.

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