VIP Offers Amazing Limited-Time Offer for Drooling Idiots

LEWISTON – VIP Discount Auto Centers is turning heads with its amazing new offer – a free (that’s right: free) air conditioning check on your vehicle.

Don’t delay! Stop in to VIP right now to find out if your car’s a/c is working.  While you’re there, you should also have them check to make sure you have all four tires on the car – you can never be too sure! – and to make sure you can safely see through the windshield.

What?  You don’t think it’s necessary?  Who cares if it’s necessary?  It’s fucking FREE, for Chrissakes!  What do you have to lose?  Every VIP location in Maine has about 14 blue signs out in front of it, screaming the undeniable value of this service, and you’re sitting there picking your acne scabs, hemming and hawing about whether it’s a good idea? Come on!

Besides: once one of VIP’s Astoundingly Competent ASE Certified Master Technicians gets his hands on your vehicle, there’s no telling what alarming safety hazards and inspection violations he’ll find lurking  under your hood!  How lucky you were to have stopped in for that air conditioning check; otherwise, you might never have known, until it was too late, that your transmission was leaking, or that your steering column has a family of rats living in it, or that your pulmonic inbisticator needs to be re-stumbricated right away!

God love the good people at VIP for looking out for us!  No wonder they’ve earned the 27th-highest customer service rating of all auto repair chains in Maine for the 12th year in a row.  They deserve it.

And the free air conditioning check is only the latest in a long series of amazing deals offered at this amazing business.  Did you know that VIP’s name-brand tires are ON SALE for a LIMITED TIME at INCREDIBLY LOW PRICES about 41 weeks out of every year?

You must be kicking yourself for missing the “Buy two tires, get two free” deal they advertised last winter on giant signs all over each VIP location.  Granted, the deal only applied to something like two brands of tires, and none of the tires on sale happened to fit your vehicle, and you could only qualify for the rebate if you joined their Lifetime Tire and Wheel Service Plan for something like $378 a year.  But who cares?  FREE TIRES!!!!

And remember: What’s you’re really buying is the peace of mind that comes with VIP’s legendary customer service – particularly their unrivaled guarantee that you will wait at the service counter with a simple question for no longer than 30 minutes while several employees completely ignore you.  How can you beat that?

You can’t.  So stop in to VIP Discount Auto Centers today.  Because even a drooling, cross-eyed, spray-paint addict with the IQ of a hamburger bun, such as yourself, deserves to get completely ripped off every now and then.

-30-

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Comments

  1. horses ass

  2. leadbetters has free air……for a quarter! but its free.

  3. As a former employee of VIP (not under the ownership of the Quirks, who, apparently own every damn dealership in town not owned by a Darling) I say this is effing great! How true! Love it.
    It won’t be long now before I get to apply for a ‘rewards’ card to go with the 1,687 of ’em that alreadly uselessly clog my wallet! Whoot hoot!

  4. You forgot tie rods!

    Every vehicle in Maine needs a new set of ’em, according to the “specialists” at VIP.

  5. Excellent Read

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