Judgmental By Nature

Reposted courtesy of asmainegoeslolz.com

“Bob S,” a regular contributor to the conservative blog asmainegoes.com, has an amazing ability. He can judge your soundness as a parent based on only a few minutes of watching your child in a supermarket.

He was at the local Hannaford when he saw this unfolding scandal:

I just got back from Hannafords. A guy with a young overweight girl sitting in the cart, about the right age for kindergarten, was playing video games on an ipad. My grandson informed me that she was playing “angry birds.” Hardly an educational use of the ipad, and it isn’t helping the little girls health either.

Thanks, Bob, for your contributions to backseat parenting. I’m sure your kids are perfect, they surely aren’t fat, because you make them do sprints up and down the aisles while you shop for whole wheats and kale. Oh wait, the Obamas like kale- better exchange that for some all-American 25% fat hamburger meat. Close call.

Now, I’m not saying it is wrong to think that an overweight child should, maybe, be a bit more active. But for crying out loud, they are in a supermarket. Sometimes the parent just wants to get in and out. And seriously, if the kid had been reading “Atlas Shrugged” she wouldn’t have been getting any exercise either, except maybe some diaphragm stretching trying to repress the urge to vomit all over the pages. But Bob S would be handing out parenting gold stars if he saw that going down.

Here is the point: Bob, you have no idea what the hell is going on in that kid’s life, or her parent’s. Maybe she is playing angry birds because she cleaned her fucking room today, so she gets a half-hour playing a video game with cute birds and pigs. Oh, the humanity!

Or maybe her Dad takes her home and ties her down like a young calf, and force feeds her grain and milk through a tube. I’d object to that, but if anyone tried to give her a healthy lunch at school Bob would start bitching about the “nanny state.” You just can’t win with some people.

Either way, Bob has no reason to make any judgments at all. All he saw was a young child in 2012 playing a cute video game. That is all. News flash: I’m pretty sure the guys that built Google played a few pointless video games in their lives. They turned out okay overall, even if they lose a few points on the Conservative Guide To Your Entire Fucking Life Official Scorecard because Google occasionally tries to put up a few wind turbines here and there.

Bob even had to take it one step past simple judgmental bullshit; he had to bring taxes into the argument.

Hopefully, it wasn’t one of the taxpayer provided ipads. I would hate to think that we were contributing to the demise of this young girl.

Her demise? Bob has known of this person’s existence for all of sixty seconds, and he already knows that her life is, for all intents and purposes, over. He is thinking to himself, I bought that fat little fuck’s iPad, even though I doubt Bob contributed more than a dime to it, if that. I’m pretty sure they don’t let kindergardeners take the iPads home. They are classroom tools.

The final word: I’d rather have my kid grow up to be an Apple programmer than a judgmental, vindictive, and close-minded asshole like Bob S.

Maybe my kid will invent “Angry Republicans,” a game where you toss Santorums (the person, not the sexual byproduct) and Gingriches at welfare queens hiding in subsidized housing. When you win, the screen says, “Good job, you slut.” I think that would be a big seller.

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Comments

  1. Thanks Chuck. However, don’t think that you have to read the ravings of authoritarian minds on our behalf. Take the day off. I recommend Charles Pierce.

  2. What a perfect title!

  3. brilliant..following a negative assumption with a negative assumption! and you added f-bombs…i love f-bombs!!you should be in washington.

  4. way to put bob in his place! after his mini stroke,( from reading your reply), perhaps they will give him an ipad to work on his dexterity skills. i understand that angry birds is available…

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