Children Celebrate Shortened Summer Vacation

PORTLAND – School children all over southern Maine relished the news this morning that one more day would be tacked onto the end of the school year as a result of classes being canceled for today’s snowstorm.

“Rather than sit in dumb classes all day today, listening to lame lectures about state birds or whatever, we much prefer to do so at some distant, amorphous point in the future,” said Colin Rourke, 11, of Falmouth, spokeman for Kids United Against Boredom. “In general, I think you’ll find we are fairly consistent in that policy.”

One less day at the beach for these two twerps.

Snow arrived early enough from Kittery to Augusta to force administrators to grab a day of summer vacation and stick it into the middle of January. By afternoon, kids all over Cumberland County observed the elongated school year by building snow forts and sledding down steep hills, screaming and hollering in delight as if the school year had actually been shortened.

“Snow days are nice, but I’d rather be able to get out of school and get started on my vacation before Fourth of July,” said Candace Roberts, a 7th-grade social studies teacher from Baldwin. “When I point out to the kids that they’re just going to have to sweat in a sweltering classroom during their final exams, they just roll their eyes as if I’m such an idiot for not being able to understand how awesome that will be.”

However, Rourke explained, there are many children who have legitimate reasons to want a shortened summer vacation.

“Most of us have to spend the summer living with our other parent — the one a judge thought didn’t have their act together enough to get us to school and help us with homework everyday,” he explained. “Or we have to spend all day in some lame summer camp or day care with college students who are high all the time. Less of that the better, don’t you think?”

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