“Go Where There Ain’t No Taxes,” Rick Perry Tells Somerset County Crowd

SKOWHEGAN – With the New Hampshire primary just around the corner, political analysts were initially dumbfounded at Texas governor Rick Perry’s decision to campaign in Maine rather than in the Granite State.

However, it has quickly become apparent that the rapidly-dwindling chances of this Bush-esque caricature to earn the Republican nomination for President depend on his ability to draw supporters from across state lines.

"My name is Rick Perry, and if you want to keep your gun, move to New Hampshire. Like, now."

Speaking to a sympathetic audience of rural conservatives at the local snowmobile club, Perry observed that New Hampshire is “really lovely this time of year,” and that people who live and vote there “don’t have to deal with no income tax or sales tax.”

Perry underscored the fact that Maine ranks 50th in the nation in terms of business climate, according to Forbes magazine. “I imagine some of y’all are in need of a job. I’m not sure where New Hampshire rates on business, but I know it ain’t dead last.”

In fact, he said, “I wouldn’t blame a body if they wanted to up and move to New Hampshire right about now, even for just a few days. Times are tough, and we could all use any little edge we can git. Most of y’all prob’ly live in trailers, anyways.”

Analysts say Perry’s strategy of trying to lure Maine’s dumbest Republicans to vote in New Hampshire is risky. “But you saw how much money he spent in Iowa, only to wind up 5th,” notes Rebecca Hodson, political science professor at Boston University. “So he probably figures, what the hell?”

Others have suggested that Perry may simply be geographically confused, perhaps forgetting that in New England you can’t just drive for three hours and expect to remain in the same state.



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