AUGUSTA – Gov. Paul LePage reached sudden and involuntary sexual climax today as he viewed footage of Occupy protestors being pepper sprayed by police, according to witnesses.
Aides rushed to stand in front of the governor as the embarrassing ejaculation became apparent to reporters in the room.
The incident started when the media followed LePage to his car after a meeting at the capitol building. Glen Adams of the Associated Press asked the governor for his opinion on the pepper spraying incident at the University of California-Davis. LePage said he had not seen the video, at which point Adams pulled out his iPad and showed it to him.
“I think it must have been about 15 or 20 seconds [into the video] when I heard this low grunt, and then a deep sigh,” said one witness, who asked not to be identified. “It was unmistakable.”
LePage’s entourage rushed into action, quickly surrounding the governor and whisking him away “for a bathroom break.”
“It was as if they had practiced for this,” said another witness.
Later, LePage’s spokeshuman, Adrienne Bennett, said she hoped the incident would not be “misinterpreted” in the media.
She said she could “neither confirm nor deny” that the governor blew his wad at the sight of unarmed, passive college students being impassively drenched in a chemical typically used on combative criminal suspects, “but I will tell you that the governor has a tremendous love for the First Amendment and was deeply moved by the, uh, courage shown in that video.”
She also said she could “neither confirm nor deny” rumors that LePage arranged for nine Occupy Augusta protesters to be arrested outside the Blaine House during bi-annual “special alone time” with his wife.
Colby College historian Simon Rauch said this incident marks the fastest public orgasm in Maine gubernatorial history, edging out the 32-seconds it took for Angus King to inseminate his pants in 1997 when he learned Steve Jobs would be visiting Maine to support the laptop program.