Mainers Forced to Continue Gambling Amongst Themselves

AUGUSTA – As a result of the defeat of questions 2 and 3 in yesterday’s referendum, the people of Maine will have to continue wasting away their life savings on high-stakes bingo, bootleg poker, scratch tickets, and informal wagering, analysts reported.

“Though we’d much rather see the people of Maine gambling in ways that result in corporate profits, we encourage everyone to go join the office football pool or something so they can still get their fix,” said Yes on 2 campaign manager Toby McGrath.

You driveling addicts will have to be satisfied with this for a while.

Proponents of the new Biddeford and Lewiston operations pointed out that both locations will continue to be starved for jobs, particularly in the law enforcement and addiction counseling fields, but also in the high-paying, fast-paced world of wearing silly red vests and dealing people cards.

“But, if Mainers don’t want those opportunities for their kids, I guess it’s their choice,” said a slightly bitter McGrath.

The mood was much lighter at headquarters of Mainers Against a Rotten Deal, one of the organizations leading the charge for a “No” vote, where volunteers sensed the victory was so decisive that it might put the casino issue to bed for a long time.

“I’ll bet you $10 we don’t see another casino referendum for at least five years,” said spokesman Chris O’Neill.




  1. 5 years? Ha! I give it 3 tops.

    Excellent column as usual, but you forgot to mention that the Maine State mafia…er, ah, lottery probably was probably the main force behind the loss. ha ha. Kidding. Well, maybe…

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