AUGUSTA – Secretary of State Charles Summers admitted yesterday that he added Question 4 to the Nov. 8 ballot as a twisted social experiment to see if people would actually stand in the booth for five extra minutes to figure out what the hell it means and why it’s there.
“Every year we have to include at least one or two ‘who gives a shit’ questions, so this year I thought I’d have a little fun with it,” said Summers. “You should have seen some of the ones we threw out.”
Question 4 reads as follows: “Do you favor, approve, and have affinity for amending the Constitution of Maine to change or alter or restructure the years of redistricting the Maine Legislature, congressional districts and county commissioner districts, or county administrative districts as they shall be called starting in 2015, after 2013 from 2023 and every 10th year thereafter to 2021 and every 10th year thereafter, except when the Governor’s birthday falls on the 2nd or 4th Monday of a monosyllabic month, in which case redistricting shall occur the 5th year after the most recent visible passing of Haley’s Comet and every 13.72 years thereafter?”
Proponents of the measure say it brings the redistricting process more in line with the scheduled release of census data, while opponents have suggested that nobody gives a rat’s ass.
“By 2025 the government will be counting us with computer chip implants, anyway,” says Josephine Cobb, communications director for Citizens Voting No Just to Piss Off Government Bureaucrats. “What’s the point?”
But “Yes on 4 for Jobs” spokesman Carl Sousa disagrees, saying, “A comprehensive analysis of the political and socioeconomic structures elucidates a systematic defenestration, or a comprehensive, multi-faceted obfuscation, whichever bears a stronger degree of chronological transubstantiation, indicating that balloting in the affirmative will yield 152 skillion jillion percent more points on the Wascherbach Statewide Citizen Satisfactory Index.”