North Woods Park Gains Local Support

Word “Theme” Added by Accident

MILLINOCKET – Roxane Quimby slipped the word “Theme” into the title of her latest presentation to local officials here Monday, prompting a much different level of interest in her National Park proposal than she had been used to.

Quimby opened the meeting by saying, “Thank you for joining me once again to discuss my proposal for a North Woods National Theme Park.”

Quimby tried to correct her slip of the tongue, but was drowned out by excited questions from the local Powers That Be.

“Whoa, why didn’t you say it was a theme park?” said Town Manager Eugene Conlogue. “How many jobs will that create?”

“Will there be roller coasters?” asked Council chairman John Davis. “I love roller coasters.”

“Can we call it ‘Six Flags over Katahdin? Or is that a trademark violation?” asked councilor Michael Madore.

“I think we should call it ‘Loggerland,’ and make it a tribute to the forest products industry,” said fellow councilor Jimmy Busque. “Let’s take 5% of the gate proceeds to go to clearcutting.”

Quimby tried to settle everyone down so she could get back to her message of conservation and eco-tourism. “Just a minute, just a minute,” she said.

“If there’s cotton candy, I’m all in,” interrupted Conlogue.

After several more excited comments, Davis quickly adjourned the meeting so that town officials could work up more detailed proposals for approval by the state.

Quimby said after the meeting that she does not have the heart to diffuse the mens’ excitement at this point.

“Short of bringing in a 24-year-old blonde swimsuit model to speak on my behalf, I can’t imagine garnering any more enthusiasm from this group than I got today,” she said. “I think I’ll let it ride for a while and see if we can find a way to make it work with my vision.”

Senators Olympia Snowe and Susan Collins had previously expressed skepticism over Quimby’s proposal to donate 731 bajillion acres for a national park, but reversed their tone in a joint statement issued earlier today.

“The revised proposal is worth supporting, as it recognizes the need for protecting and sustaining Maine’s precious natural resources while fostering an environment friendly to businesses that want to hawk cheap, gaudy souvenirs,” the statement said.




  1. Cynthia Dill says:

    Thank you! Cynthia Dill

  2. Got to read up on this shit.Northwoods …isnt that a nother name for FOXWOODS.
    FOXWOODS making the poor poorer.

  3. Zonica raric says:

    “North Woods Park Gains Local Support” Nice tittleلپ تاپVery Fantastic blog
    Thanks so much for sharing this helpful post.

  4. Jackنوت بوک says:

    Well done
    Thanks for sharing


  1. […] be some sort of joke?  Think maybe you were reading The Sardine Report  who reported that the Northwoods Theme Park was gaining […]

  2. […] be some sort of joke?  Think maybe you were reading The Sardine Report  who reported that the Northwoods Theme Park was gaining […]

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