“Occupy T3 R4” Protest Enters 4th Day

TOWNSHIP 3, RANGE 4 – Protesters continued to crowd this Aroostook County unorganized territory Thursday in what they described as peaceful resistance to superficial capitalist greed that places the needs of profit over human rights.

While local authorities say it is a struggle to maintain an accurate tally of protesters, best indications indicate that active participants consist of Dennis Guay, 44, of Sherman Mills, and his long-time fishing buddy, Ed Ward, 46, also of Sherman Mills.

Guay released a statement outlining his demands: “We affirm the inherent right of the individual to seek freedom and self fulfillment, without having to listen to your wife bitch at you all day about getting a job so she can go get new curtains.”

The two men have sat in a rowboat on Braley Lake since Monday, coming ashore only to sleep or urinate. “We will not rest until we have taken back our basic human rights, such as not having corporations mailing out glossy magazines that tell our wives they need to spend more money on shoes,” Guay stated.

Though this peaceful statement rejecting “the influence of profit in our political system and domestic living situations” has been labeled a “sympathy protest” aligned with the “Occupy Wall Street” movement, Guay’s neighbors in Sherman Mills say he usually gets this way around this time of year, sometimes disappearing for a week after an argument with his wife, Debra.

So far there have been no arrests.  One sheriff’s department source, speaking on condition of anonymity, said, “It’s tough on Dennis, ’cause he’s on disability for his migraines, but Debra says he ought to still be able to work part-time someplace.”

Just as the New York protesters are almost as likely as anyone to at Subway for a $5 footlong on their way home, even though most of the ingredients were harvested by exploited labor, Guay will eventually tire of sleeping in the woods, and will “come crawling back home, like he always does,” said the source.

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Comments

  1. Hilarious! Nice work. I’ve shared it on FB.

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