HEAVEN – Those who followed Gov. Paul LePage’s advice and participated in the “Day of Prayer” August 6 are wondering if God has developed a hearing impairment.
“I asked Him to fix the economy, not nix the economy,” said evangelical Christian Dennis Pomroy of Holden, noting that the stock market plunged about 1000 points in the days following the government-endorsed session of collective religious solicitation.
Marcia Thompson of Hudson said she asked God to “help people stop pouring salt into their baths,” but she was disappointed to read about the arrests of several more bath-salt addicts over the weekend.
Carroll Conley, Executive Director of the Christian Civic League of Maine, reluctantly admitted that previous levels of moral decay and debauchery have continued since the “Day of Prayer,” possibly attributable to the fact that organizers failed to attract enough participants.
“Maybe, by mixing religion and politics, we come off as threatening to those who have not aligned themselves with Christianity,” reflected Conley. “Perhaps our message would be more effectively spread by devoting our resources to charity and positive PR campaigns about how spirituality can improve one’s life.”
Conley paused for a moment, and then said, “Nah.”
The Lord declined to comment, as usual, but sources close to the Divine issued a statement that reads, in part: “God gave humans Free Will so they could make jobs and stop moral decay on their own, instead of asking him to do everything. Maybe the ‘Day of Prayer’ would have been better spent trying to persuade [credit rating agency] Standard & Poor’s to not screw up the global economy.”