Former LePage Advisors Form Softball Team

AUGUSTA – Finding themselves with a little extra spare time these days, people who once worked in the administration of Gov. Paul LePage have decided to form a charity softball team.

Calling themselves “The No Comments,” the ex-LePage staffers say still have a couple of open spots on the roster, but are confident that won’t be the case for long.

Norm Olsen, former Marine Resources Commissioner, has agreed to join a charity softball team made up of people who used to work in the LePage Administration, on the condition that he does not have to shave his extremely manly facial hair.

“Statistically, every 21 minutes, someone in state government resigns over a conflict with the governor,”  said pitcher Dan Demerritt, formerly the governor’s spokeshuman.  “I mean, seriously, follks. You’ve seen those ‘61%’ bumper stickers? Pretty soon that’s going to refer to the percentage of Maine residents who decided the governor couldn’t pay them enough to keep working for him.”

The newest addition to the team, former Marine Resources Commissioner Norm Olsen, will take over as catcher. “We’re saving the ‘way out in left field’ spot for the governor himself, should he ever decide to go Sarah Palin on us,” Olsen said.

“Many of us are excited to be able to turn our horrifying experiences in Tea Party politics into something positive for the state,” said Philip Congdon, former Commissioner of Economic Development, and now a sharp-fielding first-baseman. “Who knows? Maybe we’ll put a few of these slack-jawed rednecks back to work.”

The No Comments’ first game is scheduled for August 7 against a team made up of People who Used to Believe in the Democratic Process.




  1. Did Erick Bennett insist on playing “Right Field” because he couldn’t decide on whether pitching or catching were vague terms for choice?

  2. Wisdom Weasel says:

    I wonder what Philip Congdon’s thoughts are on the impact on baseball of the Dodgers breaking the color bar in 1947?

  3. Slight change. EVERYONE insists on playing extreme right field, “pitching” and “catching” are considered euphemisms for endorsement of gay marriage, the former Maine Christian Civic League objects to the term “base on balls”, the seventh inning stretch has been replaced by the seventh inning prayer circle, Whoever is keeping score “KNOWS” that they have a higher score than the other team, but can’t document it, Charlie Webster wonders why the team “from away” just won’t “go home” after the game…

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