Tornado Does Not Destroy Lagrange

Town Applies for FEMA Trailers Anyway

LAGRANGE – A tornado blazed through central Penobscot County earlier today, tearing a path of destruction through an unpopulated area completely devoid of any human-made structures, local officials reported.

“Just about every house in town is demolished or half-demolished,” reported volunteer fire chief Cal Perkins by phone this afternoon. “It’s just awful. We’ve got folks with no electricity or running water, living in tents and lined up outside of shelters.”

This picture typifies how one small town can be completely destroyed by generational poverty and political apathy, but spared by a dinky little tornado. Thank God.

Perkins quickly added, “of course, it’s got nothing to do with the storm. It’s always been that way around here.”

Still, the town is planning to petition the Federal Emergency Management Agency anyway, hoping to get some of those sweet new trailers brought in.

“We have a lot of homes here that look like they’ve been hit by a tornado,” explained Joe Poirier, the First Selectman. “We figure, what the hell, maybe the FEMA inspectors won’t know the difference.”

National Weather Service radar showed no thunderstorm activity, let alone a tornado, anywhere near the populated areas of Lagrange on Monday. Poirier said, “If their fancy equipment don’t show ’em what you can plainly see with the naked eye, what the hell good is it?”





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