Family Living Next to Playground Buys $1500 Swing Set

‘Recession? What Recession?’ Say Suburban Pissants

WELLS – Despite the fact that they live next to a well-maintained municipal playground, the Lawrence family of Crawford Street recently returned from Home Depot with a $1500 swing set, neighbors confirmed yesterday.

Look at these happy little suburban fuckers.

It took parents Sam and Courtney Lawrence seven hours to assemble the Chinese-made play equipment.  Their children, Chelcee, 8, and Everett, 5, spent much of that time playing at the Wells Recreation Park, a mere 70 steps from their front door.

“My tax dollars support our municipal play area, and I’m proud of it,” said neighbor Peggy Swanson. “I don’t see why they have to thumb their nose at it.”

Courtney Lawrence said her family has no problem with the local playground, but sometimes “it’s just easier to send them into the backyard and not have to worry about who else is there.”

Sam, who is an accountant, added, “If we’re having other families over for a barbecue or something, it’s nice to have the kids right here in the yard, instead of having to call them over when the food is ready.”

Charles Covinshield is a retired police lieutenant who lives four houses down from the Lawrences, and owns one of those little metal swingsets that his grandchildren use two or three times a year.

“Their new set has a slide, two swings, some little turret playhouse thing, and a little space for a sandbox underneath,” said Covinshield. “It’s very nice, but the playground has three slides, six swings, monkey bars, climbers, some hanging glider thing, and one of those educational tic-tac-toe panels with pictures of animals on them or whatever. What the hell more could a kid want?”

The Lawrences understand the incredulous and quizzical looks from their neighbors, but are not fazed by the irony of their purchase.

“It’s no worse than my brother, who bought a $1000 swing set for his kids when they sit in side and play video games all day,” Courtney said.

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