Governor Among 3% of World Population Called to Heaven
AUGUSTA – As predicted by American Christian radio host Harold Camping, deadly earthquakes swept the globe Saturday and about 3% of the world population was yanked on up to heaven, including Maine Gov. Paul LePage.
“Despite what the media would have you believe, this is a clear sign that the governor is on the right track in moving Maine toward a brighter future,” said LePage’s spokeshuman, Adrienne Bennett. “At least, he was until the Lord called him forth to Heaven to be with the other good Christians of the world.”
Various news outlets reported last week that LePage’s approval rating had dipped to 31%, or roughly the same as that of the Maine Turnpike Authority. Bennett called these polls “misleading” and “unfortunate distractions” from the difficult agenda that lies ahead for Maine, which now includes the tough challenge of building a business-friendly climate after nearly all of the labor force and infrastructure perished in the apocalyptic chaos.
It was unclear late Saturday who would be sworn in as Maine’s next governor, as everyone in the line of succession to the Blaine House was killed by God’s wrath, not surprisingly failing to make the cut as Jesus searched this reality for saints.