LePage Certainly Not Hoping to Join Celebrity Apprentice

Gov. Also Not Fantasizing About Trump VP Bid

NEW YORK – Gov. Paul LePage announced today that he had flown to Manhattan to meet with famed gambling and real estate tycoon Donald Trump, but the meeting had nothing to do with appearing on Trump’s ABC reality show “Celebrity Apprentice,” if that’s what you’re thinking.

LePage’s press secretary, Adrienne Bennett, insisted that the governor was in the Big Apple “to promote entertainment opportunities for Maine’s tourism industry,” and is not trying out for any TV shows, if you must know.

Hey, don't blame us if this photo looks fake. It was taken from Gov. LePage's office.

In a written statement, the governor’s office said LePage would “never dream of chasing personal stardom while in office,” and is “absolutely shocked that anyone would suggest such a thing. I mean, honestly, people, what do you take [him] for?”

However, several eyewitnesses reported seeing LePage attempt to bribe a security guard at Trump Tower. LePage characterized this gesture as a “tip,” saying, “I thought the young fella was doing a great job. What, a guy can’t reward another guy for a job well done without everyone jumping to conclusions? Sheesh.”

Despite these denials, several close LePage aides have described the governor practicing the line “You’re Fired” over and over again, both in cabinet meetings and while standing at the urinal.

“After [former spokesman] Dan Demerritt resigned, Paul brought him into his office just to tell him he was fired,” recalled one LePage staffer, who asked not to be identified for fear of being fired.

Leaked documents show LePage has written to Trump nine times, bragging about his TV show “Inside the Blaine House” and outlining his vision for an “ex-politician” edition of Celebrity Apprentice.

“Can you imagine Rod Blagojevich, Jesse Jackson, and me trying to run a pizzeria?” wrote LePage. “We would be dynamite!”

Confronted with these revelations, LePage said, “Okay, I can see why you might think I’ve been angling for a spot on national TV, but, really, I was only joking. I swear.”

Totally unprompted, the governor went on to say that he wants to “make it crystal clear” that he has “absolutely has no illusions” about being given a spot on the Tea Party ticket should Trump formally announce a run for President in 2012.

“Really, it’s not even on my radar, so I wish you people would quit bringing it up,” he said. “I know Mr. Trump and I have basically the same political views, and we have a lot in common in terms of our business background and how we conduct ourselves in the business world, but other than sending him a few letters and reading his autobiography twice in the last four weeks, I have barely given the idea any thought.”

Through a spokesman, Trump dismissed the possibility of teaming with the Maine governor, on the grounds that LePage “was probably born in Canada.”

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Comments

  1. tara trump the third says:

    Saw on tv the other day that on the next celebrity apprentice the teams will head to hawaii to look for obama’s REAL certificate, if it even exists. (the ones on tv lately will be disproved as muslim hoaxes.) it’s like a mixture of survivor and the love boat. they go scuba diving and hang gliding, have romantic entanglements, and stab each other in the back the whole time. it looks like lepage and ivana trump get cozy, but that’s just the teasers. we’ll have to watch the real show to see what happens

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