Museum To Open “More Boats and Shit” Exhibit

By Karl M. Chocensky

SEARSPORT — As the tourist season opens in the cultural powerhouse that is Searsport, so to will the Penobscot Marine Museum’s much anticipated “More Old Boats and Shit” exhibit, a tour de force of even more 19th century water craft and other shit about the ocean or whatever.

Museum director Cindy Flanders says, “I’m very excited about this new exhibit. All those old boats and shit about sea captains really brings the past alive for the children who are forced to come here with their grandparents.”

“Some of the boats are really old and stuff,” she added.

One of the more prominent pieces – some old ship that sailed around about a bajillion years ago – cost the museum more than $13,000 to restore.

A museum brochure boasts, “This twelve-of-a-kind display will be visited by the least interesting people you know, who, with minimal prodding, will describe in excruciating detail this all-too-familiar-to-anyone-who-lives-around-here exhibit.”

The ship, which looks surprisingly like all the other ships at the museum, is a masterpiece of 18th century design. Woop-de-fucking-doo.

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