LePage Stunned to Find Brownville Had $4 million Worth of Stuff

BROWNVILLE – While touring this Piscataquis County town that we in the news media are obligated to describe as “flood-ravaged,” Gov. Paul LePage said he was surprised to learn that damage from recent thunderstorms might exceed $4 million.

“You’ve got to be shitting me,” replied the governor, when local officials told him the estimate. “There can’t even be $4 million worth of stuff in this God-forsaken stick hole.”

A few minutes later, LePage could be heard muttering something about “all the greedy leaches up here” and “those assholes in Millinocket.”

Town Manager Matthew Pineo met with LePage to outline the impact.  Several washed-out roads may take weeks to fully repair, and the local economy will be crushed if railways remain down for any significant length of time, Pineo explained. Several homes and businesses suffered extensive damage from out-of-control storm run-off.

Following the meeting, LePage issued a statement promising “to bail out the unprepared cheapskates in Brownville and help them get back on their feet again, if we absolutely have to.”

-30-

Comments

  1. Debra Colby-Conklin says:

    Big smiles. Always a pleasure, Chuck.

  2. alan ireland says:

    I gather the ‘right’ has a farm where they grow morons and imbeciles and the rest of the illiterates go along…truly amazing.

  3. maynard says:

    gotta keep the “green ghetto” accessible for the flatties to fish and gawk at us!

  4. all i have to say is i think lapage is the asshole. it will be a cold day in hell before he gets my vote

  5. Danielle says:

    WHAT A JACKASS!!!

  6. I don’t believe this to be true. He may be gruff and stupid at times but I don’t think he said this. Just sayin.

  7. You guys understand this is just satire right? You sound as though you think this is real.

  8. SassyYankee says:

    You might want to look up the word ‘satire’. Haven’t you ever heard of The Onion?

  9. bb the dem says:

    This may be “humor”but its in my opinion it is in very poor taste. I know a lot of people from this community and what they need is support, not ridicule.

    • he’s not ridiculing the community, he’s poking fun at the governor…….figures you’re a dem…..I guess “bb” doesnt stand for “born brilliant”…….ha!

      • bb the dem says:

        just hope you dont have
        any friends lose there businesses , houses ,or get killed and put in a”humorous satire”. also charlie, dem does not stand for democrat and i graduated from UVA with a degree i physics you?

      • Goorootooyoo says:

        Well, bb the dem… we can certainly tell that your degree was not in English. Your local community college likely has openings in their Punctuation 101 classes. Check it out, my friend!

  10. Goorootooyoo says:

    Interesting that those here who thought this story was real were also the ones who believed in “hope and change”. :)

  11. This isn’t funny at all, I live in Brownville and a very good man died for no reason in these storms, not to mention others that were hurt, homes and roads destroyed, and not to mention the already falling economy here, this guy is a dick.

  12. mom2005 says:

    It wouldn’t surprise me if he did say all that crap about where we live. I live less than 10 minutes away from bville and was actually there just a couple of hours before this happened.

  13. Gov lepage did not say those things, this is media at its finest. this is what they do….People. This kinda of propaganda is why you now have obama as president…

  14. P LePage says:

    It isn’t nice to make fun of someone in my condition. You must be able to tell by looking at the photo that I’m expecting and am due to deliver soon. My slogan: LePage; Bringing Mardens Quality to Maine Goverment.

  15. Nan E Heyhey says:

    HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA …

  16. Jeff the insomniac says:

    First, a link for BB the dem, who’s lack of a sense of humor can only be attrubuted to his degree in Physics. http://jupiterscientific.org/sciinfo/jokes/physicsjokes.html
    Next, to Wanda Creed, GooRooTooYoo, Alan Ireland and Charlie Mitchell…this isn’t about Dems or Obama or Republicans or “The Media”. It’s about the insulated world of Maine’s Governor and his crudeness when he is suprised by reality.
    Finally..Kevin and TJ. You wouldn’t understand satire if it whacked you in the butt. You must be from Lewiston. Or K’bunkport.

    • goorootooyoo says:

      Jeff, believe me. I get it. Which is why I read it and howled. I’m just baffled by those who took it as a serious news article. And I wonder how they stumbled upon it in the first place.

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