Unemployed Moose Wins Moose Lottery

HOWLAND – A 12-year-old bull moose had his world turned upside down last week when he learned that he had won Maine’s moose lottery.

The ticket, purchased at the Handy Stop convenience store in Howland, was worth $1 million and 7,000 pounds of pondweed, the largest jackpot in moose lotto history.

“It’s been quite a ride, but I’m not going to let it change me,” said Dwight, the majestic, nine-foot-tall beast who redeemed the winning ticket.  “I still crash my antlers into rival males two at a time, just like anybody else.”

Still, Dwight admits the news came at a fortuitous time for him, as he recently learned that he was being laid off from his job gnawing bark off trees.  “There aren’t a lot of opportunities in this part of the state for a hooved animal with only a high school education,” lamented Dwight. “And with the price of cigarettes these days, sometimes it’s just hard to keep my spirits up until rutting season.”

Dwight, who spends most of his time wandering through northern Penobscot County’s marshy areas and standing in line to buy scratch tickets, said he wants to pay off debt and maybe get himself a new tree to lean against at night.  “It would be nice to start buying better beer,” he adds. “I’m starting to get sick of Pabst Blue Ribbon.”

But, he laments, most of the winnings will probably go to child support – he has fathered 14 calves by 8 different mates.

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Comments

  1. no-mo-obamy says:

    This freeloader is just like my lab.
    He prolly doesn’t know who HIS daddy is either.

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