Everyone Running for Senate

PORTLAND – Following U.S. Sen. Olympia Snowe’s surprise announcement yesterday that she would no longer seek re-election, political pundits attempted to salvage an aura of prescience by naming all of Maine’s 1.3 million residents as possible candidates to join the race.

“I would look for John Baldacci, Kevin Raye, Mike Michaud, Chellie Pingree, Eliot Cutler, Emily Cain, and Tom Allen to consider running,” said Bowdoin College political scientist Chris Potholm.  “Then there’s Doug Wilbur, my old neighbor from when I lived in Gorham, and also that trash collector guy who used to wave to me when he rode by on the truck.  I bet he could collect a lot of signatures.”

Matthew Dunlap's reaction: "You're telling me Olympia quit the race? Right. And next furry yellow creatures are going to visit from the planet Zoink with a magic hair tonic that will make me sexy again. Uh-huh. Whatever you say."

Bangor Daily News columnist Matthew Gagnon said it is too early to rule out John McKernan, Paul LePage, and Sa-id Al-Silamha, a Lebanese immigrant living in Lewiston who became a U.S. citizen last year and works the overnight shift at Wal-Mart.

“I wouldn’t even be surprised to see Susan Collins quit her Senate seat to join this Senate race.  Or, Olympia Snowe could change her mind and decide to run,” he said. “Stranger things have happened.”

Observers insisted that there are a limited number of Mainers with the political force necessary to gather 2,000 valid signatures in time for the March 15 deadline, but pointed out that it is theoretically possible for anyone to do so, even virtual unknowns like Selina Robinson, a 34-year-old hotel chambermaid from Ogunquit.

“You never know,” said Potholm.

Meanwhile, among the candidates who have already filed the requisite signatures, former Secretary of State Matthew Dunlap appears to have the early advantage, and promptly shit himself when he was informed of the news yesterday.

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Comments

  1. Don’t forget Senator Collins and President Obama…they might also try for the seat

  2. My,my, we wake up this morning with a Snowe storm on the political landscape. Actually I think that all bets are off. No one, even those with tons of money, has a lock on this. The play book has changed,a new face will have a great chance. The electorate will be looking at who finances campaigns and candidates who receive big corporate donations will be at a disadvantage. A case can be made that Wall St. is responsible for reckless speculation that has resulted in terrible hardships on Mainers. Any one who goes to bed with Wall St and its big money will wake up with out a seat in this house.
    To make this worse for Wall St., Harry Reid is going to open up a probe into the high price of gas. That will undoubtedly bring the spotlight on to investment banks and hedge funds.
    To pay back the President for nixing the Keystone pipeline, big oil has shut down oil refineries. This, with the Iranian war threat have enabled oil speculators to run the price of a barrel to well over $100. Expect the President to fight back. He will be targeting big oil and commodities speculators. You can expect the President to run against Wall St. It makes good political sense.
    To run against Wall St is a winning strategy, the votes are there. As the price of heating oil and gasoline go through the roof, it will not be hard to put the blame where it belongs. The American people realize that the cancer that has infected our democracy and economy must be addressed. Democrats have a wonderful opportunity to help themselves and the country. It is a civil right not to be manipulated and exploited by predatory banksters. 64% of Americans want real Wall St. reform. That’s a number that says that this issue is a winner! http://www.deadlinenews.com/2011/10/04/voters-strongly-support-wall-street-reform/

  3. I like the last sentence!

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