BIW Unveils Giant Susan Collins Robot

BATH – Standing nearly 175 feet tall and weighing 900 tons, a giant robot replica of U.S. Senator Susan Collins (R-Maine) was unveiled yesterday by Bath Iron Works.

The remarkably life-like machine took two years to build at a cost of $70 million, said BIW spokesman Jim DeMartini. The Navy commissioned it to wade into the ocean and stomp on enemy submarines.

The robot’s voice, eerily similar to that of the senator, says, “I am proud to serve the people of Maine” over and over again.

“We designed it to ward off enemy ships,” explained DeMartini. “Anyone hearing that more than twice starts gagging and has no choice but to turn around and go home.”

On hand for the unveiling ceremony, Collins herself expressed gratitude for the shipyard, Maine’s largest employer, paying homage to the fact that it would not exist without her political influence.

“This robot is proof that the People of Maine have the skills and work ethic to compete with anyone as long as they have me working on their behalf,” said Collins.

At this point, Olympia Snowe tried to inch closer to Collins so she could be in view of TV cameras, too, but Collins slapped her and angrily told her to “get back in the car, bitch.”

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Comments

  1. I Love Maine’s two beautiful senators. They have done good work for the people of Maine for many years. It’s sad to see them coming under the sway of Grover Norquist and the Right Wing. Moderate Republicans are just too valuable to watch two of them be lost. I hope somebody can do an intervention soon.

  2. The antics of Collins and Snowe since the Obama election, show me that they are seriously in need of replacement.

  3. It’s tough being a Republican in Maine. Absolutely, she’s a disgrace to the party and everything it stands for. But who else are we going to vote for? Tom Allen?

  4. Sharon, They have NEVER been moderates. They vote against the right wing nuts ONLY when there votes don’t make a difference, When there votes are needed the are ALWAYS with the Right.

  5. A valuable component not disclosed by the media is that the robot is equipped with a cloaking device that allows it to move undetected among moderates. As it repeats over and over “we mean you no harm’ it in fact slips to the right undetected and smashes every progressive idea Maine has ever had.

  6. Amazing,
    As they would say up theiar some-kinda-good…
    Finest Kind ayahhh Best in the Country…

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